“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.” – Kurt Vonnegut, Mother Night
When I first started to get serious about a writing career, I started to look for inspiration. Not the kind to help me write stories. The kind that would help me see those stories published.
One of these content creators that I was (and still am) inspired by is Kristen Martin.
For those who don’t know, Kristen Martin is an international best-selling author, life/career coach, podcaster, and overall, a creative spirit.
She is also a hard-core Type A personality with a love for self-growth.
From the first video I saw of hers, I found myself completely inspired. I thought to myself, “This woman is a boss. She knows what she wants in life. She’s living her best life!”
At a time where I felt lost and doubtful about my life, she made me hopeful. Every time I see one of her videos or listen to one of her podcasts, it’s like she’s speaking only to me. It’s like she knows exactly what’s going on with my life and is offering me a magical cup of tea that will fix all my issues.
It’s great to feel inspired. It’s really uplifting, but after a while, I realized I was doing myself more harm than good.
As I said, Kristen is a big fan of the Type A life and self-help books. She dedicates a tremendous amount of time to daily, weekly, monthly, yearly goals and to-do lists. She writes and reflects in her journal often. She has a very specific outlook for her life.
I keep only a weekday daily to-do list and a very loose monthly goal list. I do not like reflecting on myself or thinking back on my memories. Right now, I am aimless with life with everything other than my writing.
When I’d watch or listen to Kristen speak, I was inspired but also disappointed in myself. I kept thinking my life wasn’t as great as hers. I wasn’t as dedicated as she was. I wasn’t as invested as she was. I wasn’t good enough.
I was playing a mean game of comparison chess, and all the odds were against me.
One day, listening to one of her podcast episodes, my mind drifted. I was thinking about how I could never actually spend my whole morning every day just journaling. I’d lose my mind.
That’s when I realized something that’s quite obvious: I am not Kristen Martin.
Though I like to be organized, I am not as Type A as she is. I am not the type to journal about my thoughts. I don’t have a specific destination for my life right now, and that’s ok.
Just because you are inspired by someone, that doesn’t mean their lifestyle is meant for you.
I haven’t stopped watching Kristen’s videos. I still find her words very inspiring and uplifting, but now, I watch without the pressure of trying to live a life that’s not meant for me.
I’ve got to live my life and find what works best for me.